I am annoyed. I feel unsupported. I feel alone in my battle. I am pissed. Why is it so much easier for so many others? Why am I fighting this battle AGAIN? Why did I let myself get to this point AGAIN? Why do I have to so easily be addicted to everything?
All of these thoughts have gone through my head at one point or another today - not even kidding! Let me give you a short back story. I will get around to writing “my story” for you here real soon. The very short version of my journey 2 maintaining a healthy weight….I have been up and down. If you were to look up the term yo-yo dieter in the urban dictionary, there is most likely a picture of moi! I will save all the deets for my story - but just know I am not exaggerating one bit here!
So let’s talk about where I am right now...I am at my high weight again (excluding post pregnancy weights). After losing over 100 lbs after each pregnancy (yes I have lost over 100 lbs TWICE in my life!) I have maintained a window of 40 lbs that I slide up and down every so many years. My kids are 18 and 15, and I have been doing this for 15 years.
What’s my problem you ask? I mean really - who puts all the work into losing THAT much weight to only gain it again? Me - the food addict. That’s right - I have food addictions. I only recently have come to terms with this. In the past I would get to a certain point, realize I was getting out of control, and then just reel it all in super strict until I lost the weight. The problem is because I never addressed the fact that I was addicted to these foods as soon as I hit my ideal weight I would relapse! When it came to maintaining I would think it was ok to have the occasional treat. You know everything in moderation - right. Here’s the problem….would you recommend to an alcoholic that since they went 18 months without drinking it would be ok for them to start having a drink a week? Heck no!! That is recipe for disaster right? Well guess what - I am addicted to diet coke, fast food, and processed foods. So when I lose the weight and then tell myself it is ok to have a double cheeseburger, small fry, and diet coke just this time….I am really just taking starting an avalanche. NO JOKE…
There is so much more I could say about all of this, but this is not today’s topic. This is merely just a back story so that you can understand my day.
There is so much more I could say about all of this, but this is not today’s topic. This is merely just a back story so that you can understand my day.
MY DAY: Last Monday I started a new round of the 21 Day Fix Extreme. My husband is doing it with me, which has provided some great motivation to pushing my workouts a bit harder. I am really enjoying working out with him. He is merely doing it to support me not because he needs to lose any weight. However - exercise is important for everyone so just the same I am glad he has agreed to join me. I have done EXCELLENT all week - no cheats, no missed workouts!! I feel fabulous about it.
Today we had a family reunion. My plan was to drink my Shakeology for breakfast. I made a huge garden salad to take to the reunion. I was going to primarily fill my plate with salad, go through line to see what there was, and take just a couple of small portions of things I really wanted. I was going to look at the dessert table, pick one thing I really wanted, and take half a piece. Then I was going to have Shakeology for supper. I am following the 21 Day Fix Countdown to Competition plan. So this might not have gotten me exactly what I was supposed to have for the day, but because I am concentrating on really making this a lifestyle and not just a 21 Day process I felt good about that plan.
I packed plenty of water and a couple of carbonated waters for that “fizz” effect. I have this thing about Diet Coke and traveling - if we are on the road, I think I need a pop. So we got to the reunion - all was well. I went through the food line, and really felt great. I was not overly tempted by junk - I skipped over many casseroles knowing they were full of crap and calories. I filled up my salad plate, took a small piece of baked chicken (pulling the skin off of course), and the equivalent of 2 tablespoons of shredded beef.
AND THEN IT ALL WENT DOWN HILL…..Kevin (my husband) asked me if I was going to have dessert. I had previously asked him for support in making the right choices today. I told him my dessert plan. We got up there and he wanted to share a plate. He wanted me to just put “a little of everything” on my plate so he could sample it all. Have you been to a reunion - A LITTLE OF EVERYTHING is the equivalent of ten desserts! And then right there all of a sudden the entire week of no processed foods, no refined sugar, no artificial ingredients no fast food, no diet coke, no chemicals - it all hit my like a ton of bricks and I was PISSED!! Like a 2 year old I handed him the plate and said “Here just get what you want!” (and I am going to admit it was in a “slightly” crappy tone at that!) I walked away from the table without dessert knowing it was the right choice, but so ticked off. (insert all the alone, unsupported, why me feelings here)
Made it through the rest of the reunion outwardly as if all is peachy keen - inwardly wavering between the feelings of being proud of myself for making this a success and the dawning realization that I am going through withdrawal and today’s temptations are irritating me!)
Fast Forward - We leave, and I say I would like to stop for a drink on the way home. We stop at a gas station. I am looking for a carbonated beverage that is not pop, and not a horrible choice (aka poison to my body). They do not have a single good choice in the cooler except water. I already have water in the vehicle. I say to myself - screw it I have a horrible headache at this point -I am getting a fountain Diet Coke. That will make me feel better. Go to the fountain machine totally resolved to not care about the poison I am about to inject myself with, and guess what - ALL THEY HAVE IS A PEPSI MACHINE. Yes, there is Diet Pepsi, but if you have ever been addicted to Diet Coke, you will understand that Diet Pepsi is not even close to the same thing!!!
SO I turned around and walked out of the store. I said Thank You Jesus for keeping me accountable! I got in the car and moped home. I am not kidding I moped all the way home. I totally let these feelings control my inner dialogue of the day.
It is now evening time. In all reality I did great today. I know I will soon get past these withdrawals. And when I do I will be back in the game. The kicker is…
I KNOW how to eat right.
I KNOW how much better I feel when I do eat right.
I KNOW I want to eat right.
This time is different. I now understand that these foods need eliminated from my life permanently. There is for me no such thing as just this one time. I will win again, and this time there is no going back - WHY you say...because I am now 100% focused on my health. It is no longer just about that number on the scale, or how I look, or what size I wear. I know am researching what these things actually do to my body when I give in.
Everything you put into your body does one of two things…
it either fights disease or it fuels disease ----- what would you rather do?!?
I would love to have some accountability on this journey. Would you like to jump in and join me? Send me a message. Let’s talk about your goals, and why you haven’t achieved them yet!
schindzy73@gmail.com
